Scientist. [100 Words]

The door creaked.

“Leaving already?”

Last night, he had wanted to pour out his soul to her. She stopped him, said she was in it only for the sex. It had seemed too good to be true.

“Work. The results arrived last night.”

“What does your company test anyway?”

She tossed him a discrete perfume bottle.

The label read ‘Love Potion: Make that man go crazy!’ and underneath in smaller print, ‘Pheromones – 3000 mcg’.

It had been too good to be true.

“Will I see you again?”

She smiled indulgently.

“This was all just an experiment?”

The door creaked shut.

_____________________________________________________

Inspired from:

Esquire Article by A.J. Jacobs

TED talk by Helen Fischer

And of course,

Spray Pheromones

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Scientist. [100 Words]

  1. I’d like to be a part of the experiment.

    The first time I read it though, I was confused as to who is saying what. The second reading made more sense.

    Chittz: I blame that on not having enough words to throw in ‘he said’ and ‘she said’! I know that is quite a pathetic excuse, this one needs to be reworked/expanded.

  2. Have to agree with Kaber here. Sorry Chittz, don’t want to disappoint you, but this one doesn’t quite click…

    Chittz: Pish posh. You don’t need to apologize if it doesn’t work for you.

  3. I don’t know, you know. I mean the idea is certainly amusing, but the language…something amiss I daresay…for instance, do I spot a little mixing of past and past perfect here:

    “Last night, HE HAD WANTED to pour out his soul to her. She STOPPED (shouldn’t this be HAD STOPPED?) him, said she was in it only for the sex.”

    Forgive me if I sound pedantic here, but because the premise is promising, and because this is flash fiction, one needs to be careful to not unsettle the reader, who may just end up confused about the time dimension of the story. Flash does not offer one enough space to make up later.

    Also, it appeared a bit shorn of emotions for such a dramatic concept. The only expression suggesting any kind of emotion in the story is ‘smiled indulgently’, right in the end. I would have liked a bit more…I don’t know, mental calisthenics? That’s purely personal though.

    But as with the icecream story, fantastic idea! I wish I could write something as snappy…

    Chittz: I agree. The 100 words limit was way to constrictive for me to do all that I wanted to with this story. Should’ve shelved this for a longer one, and picked something smaller for 100 words. The length was barely enough for me to cover the bare plot, let alone emotional complexity.

    Hm. About the tense issue, I was hoping that once I settle it into the past perfect, the simple past would be enough to continue the action from that point. Apparently not. Sigh. Now I have to find another unnecessary word to behead.

    I’m glad you liked the story about the ice cream men. It is one of those stories I have an absolutely fun time writing.

    Hope you drop by again!

  4. Again, fantastic concept, but the word limit didn’t help at all. 😦

    Chittz: Alas, this one was just not meant to be flash. Maybe some day it’ll re-incarnate into something longer.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s