Cheer up, the sun’s gone out –
your apocalyptic vision may just be true.
‘Tis not gonna light up again, don’t you pout
I know how much you really want it not to.
A couple of hours is all it’ll take.
To everything you’ve ever loved, say bye-bye –
the first to go will be your secret soul ache
and every memory that made you cry.
The sea will rise and take your life away,
you’ll never have to care about it all again.
The fire will burn those bills you could not pay,
the dreams you lost, trust you could not reclaim.
Gone will be every desire you dared to caress –
an empty endless night unfurls at your heel.
Your voice alone will echo in the darkness,
but gone will be every wound you refused to let heal.
But if you are willing to brave another day,
like us, look to the east with hopeful eyes.
Be who you thought you could be, don’t turn away,
the sun wakes slowly, but surely it will rise.
Dawn breaks with pompous righteous grace,
claiming to right all the wrongs you’ve done.
It will put everything back in its place
so you can take back your mistakes one by one.
Why yes, this is my first attempt at rhyme. Why you ask?
Untitled. 
Okay, I’m neither an ardent proponent of poetry, nor a voracious reader. So, my comments should be taken with a handful of salt, and another handful kept ready.
All right it rhymes, but there is something missing here. I felt as if there was a disconnect, as if the mood shifts many times and gets marred due to want of rhyming. As I said, “wish you were here” really struck a chord with its sunny portrayal of emotions. This one? Looked like a cross between something suicidal and vain philosophy, but then maybe it’s my -3.0 D spectacles.
Chittz: Hm. I never intended this one to be anywhere close to perfect. My brain is just starting to learn how to think in rhyme, so I’m cutting it some slack.
But this poem is actually quite… positive. If you have ever dreamt of the end of the world so that your life will become easier, but decided to wake up the next morning, then you’d understand. If you haven’t, then you’re a good person, and the world needs more people like you.
“If you have ever dreamt of the end of the world so that your life will become easier, but decided to wake up the next morning”…
No thanks.
“If you haven’t, then you’re a good person, and the world needs more people like you.” Do I detect sly sarcasm there? 🙂
Chittz: ‘Course not. The world could always use more happy people 🙂
i think i know what it feels like to want the world to end but then to get up with a vigour to brave it all and emerge victorious as the sun sets. good attempt chittz though i’m no authority at all. my knowledge of poetic compositions is abysmal, but i like this one.
Chittz: Meera! So happy to have on the site! I was about to read a Stella reference into your comment, but then realized you are much bigger than that. I’m glad you like this one.
hahaha stella is now the past. we have to move on. and yes, for the better and bigger. :]
Chittz: So True. Hope you have a productive, mad adventure :]
some of lines shine! rhyming gives us an oppurtunity to explore more in terms of words and feelings,almost digging them out of the sub-concious, in a format where one is constrained out of choice. I wish you all the best for your future rhyming efforts!
Chittz: Hey, thank you. I don’t quite agree with your views on rhyming though, unless you are gifted, it usually ends up sounding artificial and contrived.
see, rhyming makes poetry something akin to music where you impose certain constraints upon yourself,like if you play in a certain key, you only use certain notes and,it invariably makes you find more permutations and combination that you would not have found otherwise…that is what i mean.
ofcourse, as Eliot said : no verse is libre for a ‘man'(my inverted quotations:for anyone even remotely thinking of political incorrectness is accused of ignorance herewith that i can prove with facts) who wants to do a good job.
Chittz: Formalist, are you? Well, let me put it this way – Yes, structure can make good poetry great (as Eliot believed) but it can also make average poetry abysmal. Its a double edged weapon that needs to be handled with care.