That Bitter Aftertaste (A Rant)

This is not universal
this is not about someone else
this is not about you
this is about me.
The show’s all over,
the celebrations are done.
Time to stop the fake actions
those mechanical movements
and swallow that
bitter aftertaste in my mouth.
the idealist.
the pacifist.
the neutralist.
the diplomat.
the compromiser.
the rule-keeper.
the innocent one.
the nice one.
I can see the judgment in your eyes
Just like I know you can see mine.
I try to sleep;
to run, run, run.
I spiral round and round,
round the merry go round.
I can feel the tears clog my throat.
I know they will never come.
I should go watch a movie,
I am getting out of control.
Curl up, shut your eyes,
lock yourself up
inside your head.
Go on, go on,
be unreasonable,
let yourself go for once.
Face it.
Deal with it.
How much of you was really in the show?
What were you risking for that pleasant after glow?
Too many ideas.
Too many arguments.
Too many voices.
Too many judgments.
Throw them out
or keep them in.
One view, one thought
one narrow little path.
Guilt will move into the hollow
and those unanswered questions,
but only tomorrow.
Today, today is for anger
and rage!
rage! how puny it looks on a page.

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