“What are you doing?”

“Reading over your shoulder.”

“I can see that. What I mean is, what are you doing?

“Oh. Didn’t you get the memo?”

“What memo?”

“Ah well, I’ll paraphrase it for you: Dear Author, I quit. Signed, Protagonist.”

“You cannot quit!”

“I just did.”

“But you’re supposed to be in the middle of a brawl!”

“As much fun as I was having with Baldy, I am here instead.”

“No compulsion to single handedly take down the entire gang of ruthless killers to rescue your one true love?”


“You can have a nice joyful reunion when you’re done. Maybe some steamy sex… ”

“Not interested.”

“Why not? She’s hot, she’s brunette, what more do you want?”

“A little more upstairs would be nice.”

“Oh. That can be easily rectified, I’ll just add a couple more inches-”

“I meant higher upstairs.”



“Just tell me what you want and I’ll fix it up for you. I’ll throw in a brainy librarian as a love interest, hm? What do you say? Just get back into the story, pretty please?”

“To tell the truth, I find this side of the page much more intriguing. You’ve got any alcohol in this hole?”

“In the fridge. Door to the left. I know! I’ll make you go back! I’ll just write here that -”

“’He took a swig of cold beer, and smiled as the golden liquid -‘”

“What the hell?”

“There’s nothing you can do. New Union rules.”

“Fine! Just fine! Have it your way.”

“What’re you doing?”

“Getting someone new to take your place, that’s what!”

“No… That’s just me with a different name. Doesn’t change things one bit. Except that I’m … I’m… that name doesn’t have any vowels in it! ”

“Oh. Alright, then! If you want someone totally different, I’ll give you someone totally different!”


“It made a funny sound!”

“The It is your replacement!”

“Hey baby. Hw u doin’?”

“It talks funny as well!”

“Gah! What’s he doing?”

“Hitting on a blond at the bar, I think. She looked very friendly. Look! Look! It’s trying to talk again!”

“Gurl, u must b tired coz u’ve been runnin thru my head all day.”

“No, no, no, no, NO! This is all wrong!”

“Haha! This is the best – Erm, are you okay? You like you’re going to – Good God, don’t start blubbering! Alright, alright. Let’s see how we can fix this.Yo new guy! You’re doing it all wrong!”

“Ur eyes – ur eyes r lik spanners coz dey make my nuts go – wait whut?”

“Yeah, you! You’re supposed to be in a fight right now!”

“I m? I’m sorry man, dis is my 1st day, so m a bit confused…”

“Throw a couple of punches at the bald guy!”

“Who, dat dude? Dat bastard is HUGE!”

“Don’t be such wimp and just do it!”

“But I –”

“DO IT!”

“Alright, alright. Here goes… ARGH! dat hrt!”

“Jesus! Where do you new heroes even come from? Just push over, will you? I’m taking my show back!

“Whts happenin? U can’t thro me out… I just got hre! Dis ws my first job… noooo…..”

“There we go. Hey baldy, I’m back!”


“You owe me one.”

“Look who just walked through the door.”

“Red head, long legs, and is that James Joycee’s ‘Ulysses’? Nice! An Aston Martin, and we’ll call it even!”

“We’ll see in the next chapter.”


3 thoughts on “Conversation

  1. Masterpiece! An amazing spectrum of emotions and insight covered in few words. Delightful, to say the least.

    Chittz: First, thank you for digging through the old stuff and generally hanging out in this blog. Next, thank you for your kind words. My joke telling capabilities are abysmally legendary, so good to know atleast my humour on paper still exists. You’ve just made my day 🙂

    1. Oh, come on! I have my reasons to hang around here. But really, anyone who questions your comic abilities is a retard.

      Chittz: Trust me, you haven’t heard my ‘knock knock’ jokes yet. Be warned.

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